Park Hill Cricket Club Collapse Nominations for 2014 by Dave Symons

The award for the most foolish, inept or plain amusing piece of behaviour this year. Same homer-simpson-dohrules apply; pick your favourite from the list of nominees below. I’ll be round between courses to take your votes.

  • Rob Davie (vs Filleigh)

After his first tour was ended by a broken leg, a glorious return looked in the offing when Rob returned two years later with bones fixed and an appetite for runs, wickets and the Hatherleigh tea. Asked to open the batting in the first game, it was all set up for glory. His first ball a rank, short delivery he stepped back and heaved it past square leg…only to step on his wicket in the process and be out first ball. A true Park Hill performance.

  • Phil Nacmanson (vs Filleigh)

Far be it for us to criticise women in sport – indeed we have one ourselves in the ranks…however, when you take to the field seeing three girls under 18 on the opposition, you can’t help but fancy scoring a few runs. That is, unless you’re Phil, who decided he would aid the self esteem of the enthusiastic youngsters by getting out for a duck as only he knows how…caught by the youngest girl in the field off the bowling of her sister. Despite these two muppets we actually still won this game!

  • Dan Ransom (vs Barnstaple CC)

A seldom-seen figure in the slip cordon before this fateful day and one would suspect he may not be seen there much after. An interesting decision by captain Webber saw a cordon of Worrell, Nacmanson and Ransom. Some raised their eyebrows at this choice, but Webber coolly displayed his ulterior motive as he sent a ball flying swiftly through Ransom’s hands and into his right testicle. Putting in a performance Terry Butcher would’ve been proud of, Dan heroically crawled off the field for a few overs before putting the smashed remains under his pillow that night for the bollock fairy.

  • Hatherleigh CC (vs Park Hill)

I’m not sure a whole opposition team has received a Collapse! Award nomination before, but in this instance I feel it entirely necessary to nominate Hatherleigh. They may play the game in a great traditional spirit and put on the finest tea in the West, but any group of 11 allegedly competent, able-bodied adults who allow Dave Lawn to hit a fifty surely deserve their place here!

  • Stuart Radcox (vs Battersea Ironsides)

Stu has been an excellent addition to our ranks with his willingness to learn and education of the club about the perils of damp. He learned a valuable lesson when coming in at number three against Battersea. After the openers had negotiated the opening spell, Stuart decided that, despite it being in position for a good 10 overs, the (large & heavy) sightscreen needed to be moved (at the furthest boundary on the ground). Several minutes later the bowler & fielders puffed their way back from their expedition as Stu took guard…only to nick one behind first ball and trudge off. Oops!

  • James McInnes (vs Headley)

I toyed with the idea of omitting this entirely, but of all the troughs this season this was the funniest. Headley is a lovely ground with short boundaries and Major fancied some runs. Opening the batting he dabbled in a “yes, no, oh…go on then” moment in the first over of the match which saw him run out without facing a ball. However, over the next 20 overs(!) he slowly made his way around the boundary to contemplate what might have been, eventually making his way back to his teammates via a brief interlude at the burger van across the road.

And the winner was….. Dan Ransom!!!!!!!!