Collapse Awards

Park Hill Cricket Club Collapse Nominations for 2013 by Dave Symons

This year’s nominees for the season’s moment of sheer stupidity are as follows…oops-web

  • Dave Lawn – vs Leigh (a)

This season has proven Lawny to be a little prone to ‘switching off’ in the field, as this moment typified. With ball heading quite clearly in one direction, with the team watching it avidly, Dave decided he was going to charge in the other. The ball went for four and we continued the disappointing afternoon by being well and truly hammered. The final nail in the coffin for Lawny came as his attempts at fielding were resoundingly beaten by the boundary heroics of his 9 year-old son.

  • Kevin Matthews – vs Westleigh (a)

When playing just one game a season it can be difficult to provide a worthy nomination for this award. However, Kev managed it on our familiar, weather-afflicted venture to Westleigh. Indeed, the conditions may have played some part as Kev, playing fairly well at the time, managed to take an almighty swing but only succeeded in sending the bat hurtling towards square leg (probably travelling further than the ball).

  • Chris Webber & Ian Jeavons – vs Chessington (a)

No stranger to Collapse! Award nominations, Chris decided on this occasion to drag a new member of the club down with him.  After hitting a ball towards the boundary, the batsmen decided to congratulate each other on four runs by stopping and shaking hands in the middle of the wicket – failing to realise that the ball had stopped short. Finally setting off, they ran two, but this failed to spare them embarrassment and jeers from the sidelines…until Webs smashed a hundred a bit later.

  • Phil Nacmanson & James McInnes – vs Bec Old Boys (a)

No real surprise that Phil was in here somewhere, and perhaps no surprise either that given running was involved that his partner in crime was the Major. I couldn’t possibly recount in this space, so I’ve pinched the original nomination. “Phil hits ball in the air, drops bat on the floor thinking he is going to be caught. McInnes calls for a run and Phil goes ‘no no no!’ They finally decide to take a run but Phil leaves his bat behind so turns round mid running to go get his bat. They complete the run and no one gets out.” No loss of wicket, but loss of dignity perhaps.

  • Chris Webber – vs Ewhurst (a)

The start of a great day in the life of Chris Webber. Setting off to the furthest ground away from home without venturing on tour (where he has previous history of nominations), our hero puts the club kit on his driveway next to his car ready to captain his team…and drives off. Fortunately, like with so many things, his sister was on hand to save the day and collect it for him.

  • Chris Webber – vs Ewhurst (a)

One more to complete a Webber hat-trick. Surely never has anyone with so much cricketing ability carried such potential for sheer stupidity. Having eventually made it to Ewhurst, Chris agrees with the opposition a new format for this game. He then undertakes the familiar process of the coin toss, surely about to rely upon his flawless ploy of ‘tails never fails’. Given this choice of ‘heads or tails’ by the Ewhurst skipper, as the coin soars into the air, Webs plumps for ‘bat first’.

And the winner was…. we can’t quite remember, but we’ll choose Chris Webber as he was nominated on several occasions!!!!!!